I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
