I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
