just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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