Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
