More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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