I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
