i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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