my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
