Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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