I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
