So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
