Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
