The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
