eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
