Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
