im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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