He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
