Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
