super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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