i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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