I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
