grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
