Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
