I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
