I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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