Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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