I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They took my balls.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
