Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
