He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
