I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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