Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
