I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
