Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
