Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
