plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
