Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
