Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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