don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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