nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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