Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
