If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
