you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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