if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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