she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
