I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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