I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i already hear my dad disowning me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
