Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
