just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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