We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
