everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
