This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
