u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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